Twisted fairy tales
by lybra323
Summary: Kubota tells a story. Or 5.


Once upon a time, there was a princess. Her stepmother didn't like her, and thus sent her away and pretended she didn't exist and ordered everybody not to talk to her. She went into the forest, and lived with an undefined number of little dwarves. The little dwarves listened to her and they often played video games together. The princess took care of them and occasionally killed the people who tried to attack her dwarves.

Then one day one of the dwarves was killed. The princess…

Kubo-chan! That's not the way it goes.

Isn't it?

No! The princess never killed anybody.

Hmm. You never know what people did in their past. Shall I tell you another one then?

Once upon a time, there was a princess. She had been sleeping for a very long time and nobody could wake her. Lots of people tried, by kissing her. But she didn't wake up.

One day, a prince came. Like everyone else, he tried to wake her up. But he didn't kiss her. Instead, he hit the princess. The princess woke up and…

What is wrong with you! The prince kissed the princess!

I don't remember him doing so. I remember the hitting though.

Yes. He. Did. Kiss. Her!

Hmm, he did, eventually. After a long, long time. He wouldn't let the princess kiss him at first.

…Pervert.

Yes. I think so too. How about this?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl with a black glo…hood. She went to visit somebody who was ill and brought some sweet snacks for her. But, the patient was taken by the big bad wolves who wanted to know where her boyfriend was.

So, the little girl went after the patient, and tried to hit the bad wolves. But the bad wolves managed to capture the little girl too and wanted to eat her. At this point, the woodcutter who was worried about the little girl went into the woods to look for her. He found the wolves about to eat the girls and demanded that the little girl be returned to him. The wolves refused, so the woodcutter had to kill all the wolves to get back his little girl…

No! That's all wrong too!

Hmm?

The girl had a red hood! A red riding hood!

I didn't know that.

She was called 'Little Red Riding Hood', damnit.

I see. Hmm, do you think red complements your skin colour?

Idiot!

I shall strive to do better.

Again?

Once upon a time, a beauty found an injured beast with a furry clawed hand. She took him home, and nursed him. He had a short temper, and was very violent, and broke the beauty's arm, but deep down he was really very kind and virtuous when not antagonized.

One day the beauty was called back to her home, and the beast was very upset and started looking for the beauty. The beauty wanted to go back to the beast, but she couldn't leave because her sisters kept her there. She was very sad too, because she realized that nothing in this world was real except for…

KUBO-CHAN!

Am I wrong again?

The beast didn't break her arm.

He didn't?

Anyway, the beast is supposed to be the good guy.

I didn't say he wasn't.

And he was supposed to be kind and good to the beauty.

I didn't say he wasn't either.

You said he was violent!

Wasn't he?

I'll show you what's violent!

Hai, hai. If you don't like this I'll tell another one then.

Enough!

I promise, that'll be the last one.

Once upon a time, there were two little pigs. One of the pigs lived in a straw house. One day, a big bad wolf came and huffed and puffed and said it seems you still like animals and blew the straw house of a delusion away. The little pig ran to the other pig that lived in a wood house and the 2 little pigs lived together for a long, pretending the wood house was safe. But the big bad wolf hunted for them again.

Then?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I don't. Maybe the first little pig went to kill the big bad wolf.

Huh? No, there were supposed to be 3 pigs in the first place. And the wood house was blown away too, but that's okay, 'cause they ran to the brick house and it stood.

Really?

Yes! And the wolf huffed and puffed till it died and the house stood and the 3 little pigs lived happily ever after.

I thought there were only two.

Whatever. It ends happily anyway.

Does it?

Yes it does!

I wonder, Tokitoh.

Yes. I say it'll be a happy ending.

Okay, if you say so.


End file.
